I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
