hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
