full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
