It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You made out with two different species that night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
