Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They took my balls.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
