I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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