Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
