you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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