Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
