you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
