when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
