i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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