She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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