he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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