I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
