This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
