Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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