i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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