I'd wear matching sweaters with you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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