R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
