I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
