I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
