a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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