Swine flu is the new snow day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
