this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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