I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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