There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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