she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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