I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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