pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
