yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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