i think my mom watched the whole time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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