How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
