This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
