is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
