Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize