Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
