I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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