i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.