I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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