Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
