so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!