Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win