I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.