she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
