A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole