The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.