No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't notice because vodka
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife