the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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