how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
