I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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