It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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