Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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