He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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