somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
