Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
