I bet he comes in French.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
