i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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