Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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