I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
