Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
