Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
