he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
