I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
