Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
