Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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