The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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