just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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