but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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