i was born a porn star she said
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
