Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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