thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
