kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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