if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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