is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
