with your own penis?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
