I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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